Thursday, May 26, 2016

5th Wheel Worries

It is five thirty in the morning.

I am smiling as I sit by the fireplace sipping freshly brewed coffee as I watch my “neighbors” stumbling to the port-a-pot with obvious aches from a cold night of sleeping on the ground.

“Suckers.” I say to no one, because Marci is still asleep and I am hidden behind smoked glass windows.

Vladimir Ashkenazy’s Piano Concerto No. 2 in C minor mingles with the chirping of the morning birds.  

What a life.

Yesterday we embarked on our first “real” trip with the camper.  We drove two hours east to North Sterling Lake State Park (because we are just too damn scared to go over the mountains yet).  Naturally, I did not make a single left turn (ok, I did – but not before I made sure my adult diaper was secure).

Most of us have fond memories of road trips.  Hours of humming tires on smooth roads – with breaks for carbohydrate laden snacks and Mountain Dew. Pulling a fifteen thousand pound fifth wheel trailer does not provide the same experience.
“Is there room to change lanes?”

“I think so.”

“What do you mean, you think so?”

“Well, I can see the truck behind you and it looks pretty far back.”

Luckily, we are about the slowest vehicle on the road. (There was a purple haired lady with two fluffy dogs in an Oldsmobile I passed – but it was on an empty stretch so I can’t gloat).

And then there are bridges and overpasses.  

Your entire driving life you have probably never even bothered to look closely at one. When you pull an expensive thirteen foot high home under one you will notice dings and scrapes on the underside from being whacked by an unsuspecting driver just like me.

Supposedly, there are maps which will warn you about where these dangers lurk – but of course, we forgot to buy one.  Maybe that is why there are two air conditioners on top…?

Anyway, we made it.  And after setting up (likely forgetting 68% of what we learned in orientation) we put life on pause and settled in for five days of relaxation.

What a life.